UK’s Ponytailed Bachelors Protest Ninja Sword Ban

AN ATTEMPT by British authorities to put a dent in rampant knife crime by introducing a ban on ninja-style swords is facing a concerted and organised backlash from ponytailed bachelors with an unhealthy fixation on Anime.

“How am I going to impress a woman when they enter my apartment if I can’t tastefully display the sword above my One Piece collectibles,” groused an irate crowd of ponytailed men with significant widows peaks outside Parliament Square in London.

“And, might I add, it’s actually called a ninjatō, not a ‘ninja sword’ you philistines,” the protestors said through megaphones.

Believed to number in the thousands, the ponytailed men are calling on the government to reconsider the planned law and also give thought to allowing tax relief on purchases of imported ephemera from Japan, nondescript in nature but believed to be the same height and dimensions of a human-sized doll.

“Anti-knife crime measures are a welcome thing, but being forced to surrender my sword significantly dampens my ability to go viral on TikTok demonstrating vigorous and athletic swiping motions, it’s a dreadfully short-sighted decision,” explained the men, who all turned up on time at the protest despite the sort notice due to having no other plans.

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