Investigation Launched As Town Parade Had Underwhelming Number Of Tractors In Paddy’s Day Parade

THE NPDPTT or National Patrick’s Day Parades Tractor Tracker has recorded a worrying dip in the presence of a big load of tractors in a number of parades in towns and villages around the country.

“Up your game,” huge swathes of parades were warned ahead of worrying statistics which show a 67% reduction in tractors in parades when compared to just ten years ago.

“You can keep your colourful displays, synchronised dancing, 40 foot tall puppets, give the people what they want,” stated 101-year-old parade veteran, Paudie Byrne, who walked 17 miles to his nearest parade yesterday only to be disappointed by the lack of tractors.

In the most alarming instance, the town of Ferrig had more people watching the parade than participated in it.

“Is nothing sacred? The whole point of the local parade is to stuff as many people in it as humanly possible. The streets outside of the parade itself should be empty, there shouldn’t be a soul watching on and waving, you should all be in the parade wearing green socks on your hands or some other half-arsed display of patriotism,” warned a spokesperson for the NPDPTT.

In its lengthy post-Paddy’s day report the NPDPTT leveled much criticism at people but reserved praise for teenage drinkers who produced just as much vomit as last year’s St Patrick’s Day.