“Worse Than Waterboarding” Confirms Man Stuck Beside Burke Family On Flight Back To Dublin

A PASSENGER on a transatlantic flight from Washington DC to Dublin has appealed for the help of Amnesty International and anti-aircraft missiles to put him about of tortuous misery after being placed in a seat in the general vicinity of between one and 12 Burkes.

“Did you know the Burke family are louder than noise cancelling ear phones playing ‘Best of Construction Site Noises Vol.3’? I didn’t either until I boarded this Godforsaken flight. Waterboarding is a cake walk by comparison,” said airline passenger Alan Carney.

“Any chance you could just loosen the airlock on that door enough so that I’m sucked out into the sky?” Carney asked cabin crew to no avail, as he was subjected to screams of ‘Enoch Burke has been in prison for 500 days’ for 2 hours and counting.

Despite what appears at first as outlandish exaggeration by Carney which trivialises the victims of torture, WWN was able to verify that being stuck with members of the Burke family on a flight is in fact worse than waterboarding by showing ex-Guantanamo Bay detainees footage of the controversial family.

“I’d take having my balls flattened in a vice while having chili oil poured into my eyes over this,” confirmed one former detainee.

“I heard there’s a lot of talk of Ireland expanding their military. Why bother when you can just send these guys to annoy armies into submission?”

UPDATE: the Burke family screamed “I’m melting” and were reduced to a puddle of aggravated liquid as they arrived into Dublin airport only to find no awaiting media.

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