Property: Don’t Bother You’ll Just Be Outbid

YOU MAY have come to WWN’s property section in search of houses for sale in the area you grew up in or somewhere nearby 300km away in a different county, however, we have replaced these houses with some sobering words from local estate agent John Keem.

“Don’t bother, you might think scrolling away on your phone is all innocent but the second your eyes linger on the image of a house, that triggers the Irish housing algorithm and a new bid is instantly lodged, pricing you out in the process,” explained Keem.

Keem also revealed that while he wished it wasn’t the case and that he really wanted you to get the house, something completely out of his control happened when he went back to the seller and told them you were desperate and that they should hold out and wait for more bids.

“The bid could be from another hopeful couple, or it could be one I’ve made up to drive the price up, either way abandon all hope, I’ll push you to the limit of your budget and sanity,” added Keem, who as is tradition among estate agents will be non contactable for 14 years once you put in a bid.

“Your first mistake was thinking you deserved to have something of your own to be honest. The neck of you. My phone’s busier than that of the dealer to a disreputable Dublin MMA fighter. You’re actually lucky to be talking to me. Anyway, I’m just spotting a few texts here, so just go ahead and presume you’ll have to up your next bid by 50k,” concluded Keem.

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