“I Know You’ve A Lot Going On But Could You Put In A Good Word For Us With Trump” Martin Asks Zelensky

“ONLY MENTION us now if it comes up organically like,” said Taoiseach Micheál Martin, gently pleading with Ukraine leader Volodymyr Zelensky who met with him during a brief stopover at Shannon airport on the way to Washington.

Keen to stress that the threat of being forced to give up $500bn in natural resources is nothing compared to fear of having your corporation tax receipts wrestled back to the US, Martin impressed upon Zelensky the need to bring up Ireland in his conversations with US president Donald Trump.

“But sure of course it will come up, ‘cus he’ll ask ‘how was the flight?’ and that. So that’s your in, just tell him Ireland loves him and maybe cool it on the threats of tariffs. No, no, totally, you have get your whole ‘my country’s is at war, we need your support for our survival as a people'”, Martin persisted.

Aware that Zelensky’s time was precious and it was only the briefest of stopovers, Martin quickly breezed through reiterating “Ireland’s onging support for Ukrainian refugees blah, blah, blah” before swiftly refocusing on the key issue at hand.

“But after all that nonsense about ‘survival’, put in a good word for us, yeah? Ask how that Paddy’s Day invite is coming along. Probably sent it in the post already, but y’know what An Post is like,” Martin said, nervously rambling and unable to stop himself.

Before Zelensky could respond to the Taoiseach he was drowned out by an entourage of Irish officials shouting ‘ah of course he’ll put in a good word for us, good man yourself, no better buachaill-sky’.

Support an independent, ad-free publisher by buying yourself something nice in our shop HERE and spreading the word about our online shop!