New Law Will Force Gardaí To Immediately Release Skin Colour Of Crime Suspects To X

IN A bid to save X users time speculating over whether a crime is worth high jacking for their own agendas, the Minister for Justice, Home Affairs and Migration Jim O’Callaghan has passed a bill forcing gardaí to reveal the skin colour and ‘actual nationality’ of crime suspects from Monday.

The move was welcomed by various media sources who seem to focus on nothing else in the news.

“Jumping the gun and lying about details is fun but it’s hard work so please help us out,” a spokescunt for a collection of race-baiting reactionary social media accounts said, “can the gardaí also let us know their genders or sexual orientation too so we can label them as paedophiles for the craic… actually their religion would also be great as that gets clicks and money from our readers who can’t really afford it, but who feel obliged to because we don’t like revealing the real source of our financial backing from abroad.”

Defending the move, Garda Commissioner Drew Harris stated that allowing racists online to know the skin colour of a suspect will save the force a lot of time and will allow Gardaí to be more prepared for riots and looting.

“If we tell people on X the suspect is white and ‘one of their our’ then we know we can stand down, no matter what awful crime they have committed,” Harris pointed out.

“If the rape or murder suspect is Irish and white they will literally do fuck all and continue about their day just being openly racist on X, especially if the suspect is famous”.