Drunk Politician Found On All Fours On O’Connell Street Reinstated To Fine Gael Party After Undeclared Rental Properties Found

DESPITE voluntarily resigning from Fine Gael after an arrest for intoxication, senator Martin Conway has been subjected to begging letters from senior party figures after they heard a series of unfounded rumours.

“Obviously standards fell below what we expect in respect to the O’Connell Street drinking incident but then the esteem we hold him in soared above the Spire when someone heard something about rental properties not being on a register,” said one Fine Gael insider.

Conway, who resigned in the wake of doing something 7 in 10 Irish workers do every weekend, could sensationally return to Ireland’s law and order-when-it-suits-us party.

“This is the kind of out of the box thinking we need and covet in Fine Gael,” confirmed one party insider who admitted with the departures of Damien English and Josepha Madigan, the party had a ‘not declaring property stuff’ gap to fill.

While the rumours were in fact unfounded in regards to the rental properties, Fine Gael have been asked to clarify what is and isn’t permitted behaviour within their party.

“So you can assault someone in a drunken brawl? And then you can run in Louth for a Dáil seat? But if you drink too much and sober up in a garda station you’re out on your ear? I’m confused,” confirmed one onlooker.

Elsewhere, Taoiseach Micheál Martin said it was a great shame Mr Conway didn’t have any secret properties as he would not benefit from the government scrapping rent pressure zones which prevent huge increases in rental prices.

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