“I’ll Handle This” Michael Lowry Volunteers To Oversee Government Tender For €9mn Mobile Phone Pouches

MICHAEL LOWRY is wasting no time now that the Regional Independent Group is to form part of the new government, with the Tipperary TD identifying a Department of Education initiative as his own passion project.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been in government, I don’t want to take on something too big as I’m a bit rusty. The €9mn mobile phone pouches will do me fine, ease back in as they say,” Lowry said, making his case to Micheál Martin and Simon Harris.

With the initial tender for one year but with potential for a wider rollout over multiple years, sources WWN have spoken with suggest you wouldn’t miss the money if it was gone or ended up elsewhere, in other bank accounts.

“I back Michael 100% on this, and that’s not easy to say considering he’s in government and I’m here on the opposite side of the Dáil,” Michael Lowry said to himself from the opposition benches.

UPDATE: Dáil security have apprehended a mobile phone pouch salesman at the gates of Leinster House as he attempted to smuggle himself inside disguised as a brown envelope.

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