Greenland Invades America, Seizes White House

GREENLAND Prime Minister Múte Egede has said that all Americans will have a place in the expanded Greenland territory which now stretches as far south as the Mexican border after a bloodless invasion saw Egede’s forces take the White House.

“You minerals have, me want money,” American Trump enthusiasts grunted at Greenland in recent weeks, prompting the offensive from the Danish autonomous region, which used the premise of a meeting in Washington with the president elect Donald Trump to seize power.

Eying the potential benefits to simply insisting on ownership of sovereign territory is key to their regional security, Greenland took a leaf out of Trump’s playbook and stand to gain richly from now owning key, naturally occurring resources America is famed for such as cheap immigrant labour and ignorance.

“We actually were able to breeze by security as the Biden administration was busy loading up weapons for Israel’s genocide in Gaza,” explained Greenlander forces who grew tired of trying to leverage Trump’s recent remarks into gaining more subsidies from Denmark and launched this new strategic plan that sees the Greenland flag fly over the regional capital of its new territory.

Trump was similarly distracted by his exasperated team trying and failing to explain that Greenland isn’t actually as big as it’s depicted on maps.

“Former Americans who we Greenlanders have graciously taken in have nothing to worry about, the ‘security tax’ which will be paid directly to us comes straight out of everyone’s wages and will barely be noticed. The new name is much nicer too,” a Greenlander official said of the newly coined Sianiitsoqland, which translated from Kalaallisut means Idiotland.

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