Man Greets ‘Suitable For 8 People’ Label On Food Like A Challenge

A LOCAL WATERFORD man has admitted for the first that for much of his life he has treated the guidelines listed by producers of food as a challenge, and has successfully beaten the ‘pathetic’ gauntlets they have clearly laid down for him.

“‘Serves eight’? Never heard such nonsense in my life,” confirmed Niall Tulley, collecting the flakey crumbs on his chest, the only remnants of his 16 pack of sausage rolls.

“It’s the arrogance that gets me to be honest, ‘suggested serving size – one slice’, you don’t think I can do it? Eat the whole cake? I’ll show you,” added Tulley, clearly gravely misunderstanding all portion related guidelines.

Perceiving each serving suggestion as a ‘call out’ and a ‘questioning of my stomach storage facilities’, Tulley’s nutritional knowledge is sorely lacking and has prompted some to suggest an update to packaging guidelines.

“You can’t put ‘serves 8’ on a Four Star pizza, it attacks the fragile masculinity of many men, you might as well call them a fanny,” explained foodologist Dr Wilhelm Von Murphy.

“Reconsidering how we phrase portion intake, serving suggestions etc could see people like Tulley not immediately view it as a race against time to eat it all before declaring himself the victor”.

Revised guidelines drafted by Dr Von Murphy include ‘listen we know you could gorge this in ten seconds flat, you’ve nothing to prove’ and ‘but won’t you feel a little bit sad when you catch sight of yourself in the reflection of the microwave after inhaling 12 of these?’

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