Monk Recovering In Hospital After Emergency Surgery To Remove Journalists

OVER 23 news journalists have been surgically removed from failed election candidate Gerard ‘The Monk’ Hutch after he was swarmed yesterday afternoon at a Dublin city count centre in the RDS.

Desperately running for his life, The Monk collapsed outside the Mater hospital’s A&E from the weight of the benign tumour made up of excitable reporters who latched onto him and wouldn’t let go.

“He was almost totally consumed and was rushed to the operating theatre for emergency surgery,” a spokeshutch told WWN. “It took doctors 16 hours to remove the leeching hacks and then a further 3 hours to remove Paul Reynolds after he jumped down poor innocent Gerry’s throat”.

Recovering today, Mr. Hutch was reportedly in good form despite the ordeal and is expected to make a full recovery, although he is not out of the woods yet.

“During further examination, we found a Nicola Tallant growing in his lower intestines so we’re going to have to keep an eye on that going forward in case it bursts,” a doctor explained.

The independent candidate was overhauled by Labour Party candidate Marie Sherlock in a tight election count, much to the relief of gardaí and politicians alike who voiced concerns that there was only room for white collar criminals in Leinster House and that blue collar criminals will have to remain on the street where they belong.

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