Irish Parties Making Spending Commitments Like Broke Drunk Person Buying Rounds For Strangers In Pub
ECONOMISTS fearful of Ireland being exposed to international financial trends and an incoming Trump administration have warned that Irish political parties are all behaving like a penniless drunk student who has maxed their overdraft but still insists on spending their last cash on a round of shots for complete strangers they met in the smoking area.
“Having looked at the spending commitments I can only conclude the parties are about one more round of pints away from an empty wallet and begging strangers for taxi money before vomiting everywhere and walking home in the rain,” confirmed one economist.
However, the parties have strongly rejected that promising endless expenditure spend, welfare increases and cost of living measures along with tax cuts could ever leave the exchequer exposed.
“Don’t be ridiculous these simpletons, I mean voters, want endless hand outs, tax cuts and increased spending and you don’t need a calculator to know that adds up to votes for us,” said Fianna Fáil finance spokesperson Jack Chambers, who was in the middle of being rescued by firefighters after getting stuck up a magic money tree.
“Well in the case of Sinn Féin they’re smashing the piggy bank and the shards are blinding people, unforgivable, whereas our mindless spending with no guardrails which completely ignores the wider economic picture thundering towards us all like a train driven by the ghost of the 2008 crash is very sensible,” confirmed Fine Gael finance spokesperson Paschal Donohoe as he filled WWN’s mouth with money so it would be too full to ask questions.
Elsewhere, the Social Democrats were branded ‘insane and dangerous’ after their manifesto indicated they would not be promising tax cuts.
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