Israeli Army Give Evacuation Order For Entire Middle East

UPDATE: In the last minutes the evacuation order has been extended to the continent of Asia, Earth, the moons and stars, displacing billions of people and some prominent planets due to the IDF identifying the Milky Way as a ‘Hezbollah stronghold’.

Having displaced over 1.2 million people in Lebanon and ordering Beirut residents to flee the ‘Hezbollah stronghold’ residents mistakenly thought was their home, school, hospital, business, local cafe or playground, the IDF has ordered an evacuation of the entire Middle East.

“You may think that is a built up suburb full of normal people getting on with their day but you’re wrong, that child playing in a playground is a Hezbollah stronghold,” confirmed an IDF spokesperson.

The spokesperson went on to praise officials in Florida, America who have told 1 million people to evacuate a hurricane, with the IDF saying they couldn’t rule out the tropical cyclone also being a Hezbollah stronghold.

“Constantly bombing heavily populated areas filled with innocent women and children is what keeps us safe,” explained Benjamin Netanyahu, who is having the time of his life using this conflict to distract from his ongoing corruption trial.

“What? Oh yeah right, the hostages, yeah I’ll get around to them eventually,” he added.