Trump To Borrow Popemobile For A While

ASSASSINATION target and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is to borrow the Popemobile for a bit following another attempt on his life yesterday, WWN has learned.

Mr. Trump has been marked as safe after what the FBI called an apparent assassination attempt while he was golfing on his course in Florida, sparking the 78-year-old former president to make a call to the Vatican late last night.

“I know it’s bullet proof, Fran, can I call you Fran? Look, we need to make sure the wheels don’t ruin the green on the golf course,” an unfazed Trump insisted, whose ear was grazed in July by another would-be assassin, “yeah, tell your guys to put a golf bag holder on the back too – I don’t want any of my clubs taking a bullet – can you bless them too, make them play better?”

Secret Service agents fired on a gunman in bushes near the property line of the golf course after he was spotted a few hundred yards from where Mr Trump was playing, with the suspect fleeing before later being arrested.

Meanwhile, struggling to keep a straight face, President Joe Biden said he had directed his team to ensure the Secret Service has all the resources it needs to ensure Mr Trump’s safety.