OceanGate Donate Submersible To Sicily Boat Search & Rescue

THE FEARS of international observers have only increased as they watched the arrival of an OceanGate submersible vessel at the sight of the tragic sinking of a yacht off the coast of Sicily.

“Oh my, that’s very kind of you. Of course, we’ll definitely use it. Right now? Oh, eh, no I’ve actually got to wash my hair,” a search and rescue operator said to OceanGate employees who had arrived on the scene, bearing the gift of one tiny, cramped looking submersible made from leftover baked beans cans.

“You know what? Just thinking about it there, I actually don’t have the first clue how to drive one of those things. Maybe Roberto here can do it instead,” the rescue worker said before the OceanGate reps produced a Playstation controller and explained how easy it is to use.

Explaining away any safety fears, the OceanGate employees explained this particular submersible had a little bell occupants could ring in the event of running into trouble, adding a layer of safety previous models did not have.

“My advice is clear, if you’re a billionaire, don’t go near any body of water. Move inland,” shared one expert on water safety, who said despite significant pressure from the public to say otherwise he also extended this advice to Elon Musk.