“Porn Is Harmless,” Says Man Who Sees Women As Sex Objects Who Exist Only For His Pleasure

RESPONDING TO a recent survey in which the majority of Irish people said they felt pornography has a negative effect on society, local man John Spollane confirmed it is in fact entirely harmless.

“Ah sure it’s grand,” explained Spollane who has failed to interact with a woman in the last 15 years without very consciously reducing the opposite sex to a vehicle for his pleasure and nothing more.

“Sure some people watch too much and it poisons the mind but not me, I can treat any horny milfs, busty schoolgirl and step-sisters stuck washing machines like normal horny women who are always horny,” offered Spollane, whose laptop has the homepage of Pornhub burned into its screen such is the frequency of his visits to the site.

Spollane disagreed with the survey conducted by Women’s Aid instead describing it as a moral panic, something every sexual partner he has had would agree with despite Spollane constantly asking them to film their sexual encounters.

“Ok, yeah an overexposure to pornography from your teenage years can melt your brain to the point that you are unable to view women through anything other than the prism of constant submissive sexual availability, but my commute on the Luas would be boring as hell were I not picturing every woman on the tram carrying out the most depraved sexual acts imaginable”.

“Harmful? C’mon take me for example, it doesn’t interfere with my daily life, so how could be harmful? I’ve been watching porn the entire time we’ve been conducting this interview and it hasn’t got in the way has it? Side note, you wouldn’t have a spare sock by any chance? And you’d be really doing me a solid if you told me what a naughty, naughty boy I’ve been.”