Monica Lewinsky Still Can’t Get Cum Stain Off Dress


IN a tell-all article for Vanity Fair, former White House intern Monica Lewinsky detailed her frustrations in attempting to remove stained semen from her favourite blue dress.

Monica Lewinsky gained notoriety in the late 90s, after admitting to having an ‘inappropriate relationship’ with then US President Bill Clinton while she worked at the White House in 1995 and 1996. The affair and its repercussions, which included the Clinton impeachment, became known as the Lewinsky scandal.

In an excerpt from the article, Lewinsky discusses her efforts to move forward with her life following the scandal which she describes as difficult with a large globule of ejaculate caked all over her dress.

“It was really hard after the scandal went down. My name basically became a joke and what made it worse is that I had a constant reminder in my closet. A sperm soaked reminder. I honestly wouldn’t care about the dress so much if I didn’t look so damn good in blue. It’s not the type of thing you ask your mom to help you with you know? So I spent the next 10 years struggling to clean my dress. By doing this I would also cleanse myself of the affair. But in a much less literal way, because it was actually easier to get it out of my hair. [Vanity Fair]”

Lewinsky describes the failure of the local Laundromat and laments the advice of the internet. She also declares that she is still surprised by how much cum her former boss was able to produce, “a nuclear explosion of sperm, mushroom cloud and all [Vanity Fair]”.

At the end of the piece, Lewinsky concedes to the semen and has instead decided to wear a hat with the dress from now on to distract from Bill Clinton’s seed.