Progress: Broken Israel/Iran Ceasefire Lasted Longer Than Average Trump Tariff Announcement

A RARE win for US president Donald Trump has seen the Israel/Iran ceasefire he proudly brokered last longer than one of his tariff announcements that he immediately backs down on, with the ceasefire holding for roughly five minutes.

The ceasefire failed to hold with the media omitting the fact the Israeli military struck Iran, whose military then retaliated with a single failed missile launch which is being blamed as the source of the restart in hostilities.

“This five minutes is amazing progress, the president is a visionary. We wanted war yesterday. We celebrated it, we craved it. But obviously we never said that. Peace is everything. At this rate Trump the Peace Maker could keep Israel from attacking five different countries for at least 30 minutes by sometime in 2045,” shared White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt.

In the last few moments, a visibly incensed Trump complained to reporters about Israel breaking the ceasefire the media stated Iran had broken before he was reduced to issuing expletives.

“We basically have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing,” Trump told reporters, showcasing his unique skill set which is perfect for the intricate diplomacy required to bring progress in the intractable and knotted politics of the Middle East.

“Why can’t I, a failed business man, declared bankrupt 6-times, found guilty of financial fraud with my businesses, instantly achieve peace in the Middle East. I’m like the perfect guy to solve this,” added an annoyed Trump to reporters, now taking off his made-in-China ‘Mr Peace’ hat.

Elsewhere, a relieved Benjamin Netanyahu said the prospect of a ceasefire with Iran would allow him to devote his full attention to gunning down innocent Palestinians as they try to receive food at an aid distribution site, safe in the knowledge no one will stop him.

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