Billionaire Tech Bro Priest Gianluca Possa Favourite To Become Next Pope

DESPITE installing a number progressive cardinals in the Vatican, Pope Francis’s successor could be the very antithesis of what he stood for in the world as billionaire tech bro priest Gianluca Possa is the early favourite to succeed him.

Establishing a Silicon Valley based Catholic religious order in 2006, Possa controversially took a month’s worth of church collection plate money from his order, The Brotherhood of Shareholder Dividends and invested it in the then unknown cryptocurrency Bitcoin.

“He took a vow of profitability, and sold the prayer emoji gif to Apple for €2bn in 2011 without the Vatican’s prior permission, with this he has been able to gain a lot of influence in the world” confirmed one Vatican spokesperson.

Possa credits his youthful look with hooking himself up to an IV drip of the body of Christ every day.

Famously awkward and uncharismatic, Possa nevertheless is heralded by many priests as the incredible genius and visionary the church needs.

“To innovate you need to bend the mind to the grind, I say my first prayer at 4am every morning, I’m having a communion bread lunch by the time most people are only waking up. I’m built different,” confirmed Possa earlier this year in one of his motivational online videos.

His seminal manifesto, shared widely on Telegram, ‘Maybe God Wants The Poor To Be Poor’ remains one of the most read pieces of writing in recent years.

However, doubts remain over Possa due to his age, at 67, he is seen as too young and inexperienced to run the church.

UPDATE: Possa has said he will remain in the race for the Papacy despite video footage of him incorporating a Nazi salute into the sign of the cross in a recent mass coming to light.

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