Emotionally Vulnerable Celebrities In Need Of Money Herded Into Big Room For Your Amusement

AN UNLIKELY and perplexing mixture of celebrities, many of whom are likely on the edge of an emotional breakdown due to the fact they have to appear on Celebrity Big Brother, have been kindly assembled in a big room with cameras by ITV for your viewing pleasure.

“Being on the verge of financial ruin and pushed onto the set by your agent, let’s just say that sort of thing is a great start for people who are fans of watching famous people emotionally unraveling,” a triumphant ITV confirmed.

Some have questioned the point of CBB in a day and age when many vulnerable celebrity live-stream meltdowns on social media.

“We’ll try our best to exacerbate the vulnerable state the obviously vulnerable ones are in, making it a more appealing viewing experience for everyone, some celebs are an even keel which is regrettable but unavoidable,” offered a source, explaining that knowing a breakdown is imminent is the sort of thing that keeps viewers coming back night after night.

Early critics of this year’s show have complained that it’s unfair to claim Mickey Rourke is an active participant on the show when he is clearly on an entirely different plane of existence, unique to him.

“Sure some of this year’s crop have an undiagnosed or undisclosed mental illness, but the idea is to create an environment were they all go temporarily insane anyway, so don’t worry no one will stand out in a bad way but if they do we trust our viewers to issue death threats online like any reasonable person would,” offered one producer working on the show who promised they’ve got much better at pretending to safeguard contestants.

“So basically sometimes the celebs go loopy, other times someone thinks one of the celebs has died, other times they’re racist but sometimes you’re really lucky and one celeb goes loopy, racist and dead all in one go. It’s fucking amazing,” said one veteran CBB viewer, explaining the show to a young coworker.

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