Nervous US Home Insurance CEOs Pay Out On All LA Homes, Just In Case
HEARING the growing chatter of discontent which has greeted news many insurance companies removed ‘fire cover’ from Los Angeles based policies in recent years, US home insurance company CEOs want it known they’ll payout on everything.
“Hey, even preemptively. If your house hasn’t even got a scratch on it, we’ll payout, it’s on us. That’s what we have insurer’s insurance for,” nervous CEO of State Farm said, looking over their shoulder in a fit of paranoia.
Consumer advocates have highlighted the economic ruination that could befall many families who have lost their homes amid fires that have caused an estimated $57bn in damages. Sentiments insurance CEOs have oddly agreed with it in full.
“I just want it on record, we’ve paid out on everything. Check your accounts. Stop all plans of going to your nearest gun shop. We even answer customer care hotlines on the first ring now,” confirmed Allstate CEO whizzing by in their bulletproof car, flanked by a security detail made up of ex-special forces driving a fleet of bulletproof cars.
Farmers Insurance took out hour-long adverts on all major TV channels stating that yes, they may have increased their quotes by 300% in some cases which priced many out of renewing insurance but they will cover the rebuild costs now, so please calm down.
“We want this message to reach, most of all, any handsome brooding Italian American types with computer game character names. You’re covered, it’s all good. No need to turn up at any investor conferences,” added a Farm Insurance executive.
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