Michael Healy Rae Seen Leaving Government Formation Talks Wearing Solid Gold Flat Cap

KEEN POLITICOS believe they have spotted a number of subtle signs that Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael are on the verge of securing the support for government formation from a number of independent TDs.

“It could be nothing be Michael Healy Rae just slipped out a side door of Leinster House wearing a solid gold flat cap with a roll of rural primary road under his arm,” reported one political hack on the Dáil beat.

It is believed clandestine deals in exchange for support, referred to erroneously in distant and dysfunctional undemocratic countries as ‘bribes’, are being formed by the incoming government with independent TDs ensuring democracy runs smoothly and delivers on the hopes and clearly stated desires of the Irish public.

“You never know what rumour is true and what’s bullshit, but I’ve heard one rural TD asked for one consequence free burning down of a dilapidated hotel ear marked for refugees in exchange for support,” added another well placed source within Leinster House.

In encouraging news for many, another TD dangling the prospect of supporting an FF/FG coalition has secured a promise from Micheál Martin and Simon Harris to enter discussions with the climate and get a guarantee that his constituents won’t be affected by any weather events they don’t like the sound of, such as flooding and cold snaps.

Elsewhere, Danny Healy Rae was scolded by his brother for not ‘holding out for more’ after giving over his support after the prospective coalition parties agreed to cover his lunch in the Dáil.

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