“Ireland Is Not Immune To Russian Espionage But Paschal Donohoe Having ‘Confidential’ Phone Calls With Israeli Minister Fine”

SIMON HARRIS has commented on The Sunday Times report that an Irish politician could have been made a ‘Russian asset’ by stating that there is always a risk of meddling spies trying to influence Irish political affairs because we’re ‘basically a superpower now’, but no, that time Paschal Donohoe allegedly held a secret phone call in which he assured the Israeli Minister for Finance the government would block the Occupied Territories Bill doesn’t count as a politician being ‘compromised’ by a ‘hostile country’.

“Look if anything a story like this lets me be Mr Big Important Leader again, like wow it’s, me, getting to talk all serious about ‘Russian spies’ this and that? Pinch me, I feel like I’m in a movie” confirmed Harris grabbing at any microphone within a 10-mile radius.

Harris was however less interested in commenting on other ‘movie-like’ instances such as the US military using Shannon airport to rendition people from the Middle East to be tortured in Guantanamo Bay.

“Ah feck sake, don’t mention all the Irish financial firms washing dirty Russian money and how we’ve done fuck all about it, just let me have my fun. I feel like President Morgan Freeman delivering some important speech ‘We can’t let evil win’. Can you just let me do that and not ask me questions about Israel transporting weapons over Irish airspace, you’re shite craic,” Harris complained.

The Taoiseach then began quoting President Bill Pullman from the movie Independence Day instead on answering further questions.

UPDATE: We are now closer to knowing the identity of the Irish politician embroiled in the Russian agent scandal after one TD was spotted driving into Leinster House this morning in a Lada.