Angry & Isolated US Teenager Wins Gold In The 10 Metre Air Rifle Event

HAILED AS A shooting prodigy in Paris, 15-year-old William Kennedy Kontsevich has made history with an improbable gold medal in the 10 metre air rifle event.

An incredibly focused performance saw Kontsevich ignore all other competitors, mumble ‘I’ll show them all’ throughout the event and during brief breaks between rounds leaf through a weathered copy of Cather in the Rye.

“Wow, he’s made history, his competitors were no match for the dead look in his vacant eyes, and what’s more incredible is the fact he had to steal his father’s air rifle so he had a rifle to use in the competition,” commentators said, hailing the prowess of Kontsevich who scored perfectly on the way to gold, sparking scenes of joy back in America.

“Who says he’s American? He’ll have to provide proof before he comes home, a passport or something and even then we can’t admit him into the country until we identify the school he attends and bolster security there,” confirmed local law enforcement.

In an otherwise exemplary performance Kontsevich’s feat was marred slightly, when herefused to accept his medal from a female Olympics official, beginning a misogynistic invective which lasted 7 minutes and was copied directly from the far-right manifesto found on an online white Christian nationalist forum.

“I had no idea he was competing, he never said anything, I guess I’m equal parts impressed and nervous,” confirmed Kontsevich’s teachers.

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