Eric Trump Defects To North Korea

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THE HIGHEST-RANKING defector from America in years said that the days of the country’s leadership were “numbered,” and that its attempts to control outside information were not working because of freely available facts online.

“I am sure that more defections of my colleagues will take place, since America is already on a slippery slope,” the defector and son of President Donald Trump, Eric Trump, said during a news conference in Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea. “The traditional structures of the American system are crumbling, more will follow me.”

Paraded in front of a bank of photographers and an adoring crowd, Eric Trump bravely told his story of his daring escape from the clutches of the authoritarian regime in America. Still visibly carrying the psychological scars from his time in America, his denunciation of the Trump Tower based regime was littered with apprehension.

“He demands 100% loyalty, you will not be hired to any public position unless he knows he can control you. It was a case of fleeing now, or stay around long enough to be the next person on his list,” Trump explained, “he wanted me to sign a contract agreeing to donate my first born’s hair to his wig”.

North Korean officials deny that Trump’s defection was secured with the promise of a pioneering gum reduction surgery.

“We have not sweetened a deal of any sort, Eric Trump has fled a tyrannical regime and is welcome to enjoy the many freedoms our citizens enjoy here,” a spokesperson said.

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