Israel Bagsies Syria

LOUDLY PROCLAIMING ‘yoink’, the government led by fraud trial attender and internationally wanted war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu are defending their decision to seize the Golan Heights ‘buffer zone’ in the wake of the collapse of Bashar al-Assad’s reign.

“Bagsie it,” confirmed Israel citing a cast iron legal precedent observed the world over.

The phrase, recognised as a short hand for claiming an object, place in queue or large tract of land, is a complex strategy which renders it almost impossible to lodge any objection or counter claim.

Citing previous bagsie incidents including ‘Israel’ and the fact it has illegally occupied the other portion of Golan since 1967, Israel do not expect any meaningful challenge to their commandeering of the territory.

“I dunno, sounds pretty compelling to us,” confirmed originator of the ‘bagsie it’ method, Britain.

Having also destroyed the majority of the newly liberated Syria’s military capabilities, Netanyahu said he hoped any future leadership there would accept his clear offer of friendship but warned that geography is not the IDF’s strong suit and they could continue to expand the size of the Golan Heights if they need to.

Elsewhere, many people have called the insistence that attention be paid to the plight of the Syrian people ‘insensitive’ citing the fact they need time to process the Megan Fox-Machine Gun Kelly split for several more weeks.