SINN Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald has issued a swathe of apologies to ‘whoever wants one’ during an appearance on Times Radio, starting with condolences for the assassination of Lord Mountbatten off the coast of Sligo when she was 10. McDonald went on to state that she was sorry for other acts of anti-British aggression… Read more »
A SLEEPER cell of devout McDonaldists have vowed to exterminate the cartoonist responsible for creating an image of the prophet Mary Lou McDonald which was published in the Sunday Independent, WWN has learned. Calling for the immediate deaths of all non-believers involved in the publication of the image, the group, who call themselves the ‘Tallaght… Read more »
SINN Féin delegates are today wondering if TD Pearse Doherty will ever emerge from his coma after suffering what is being described as a ‘rage stroke’ brought on by listening to Tánaiste Leo Varadkar talk about how it was his ‘personal mission in life’ to combat soaring insurance prices. “When I heard about insurance companies… Read more »
A NEW opinion poll which showed Sinn Féin as the number one political party in Ireland has caused Tánaiste Leo Varadkar to become so angry he almost kicked one of the peacocks on his grounds to death, WWN can reveal. “Get me the spin team, tell them I want an article about how the mutant… Read more »
“I SEE a man with a beard, and glasses, surrounded by people in balaclavas” said Leo Varadkar today, after being presented with a Rorschach ‘ink blot’ image with the instruction to just ‘say what you see’. “Is that correct?” “Mr. Varadkar, there are no ‘right and wrong’ answers with these tests, it’s just to get… Read more »
SINN Féin have assured the media, the government and the public that they’re taking the Brian Stanley Twitter controversy seriously, and will make sure the Laois-Offaly TD will think twice about glorifying IRA violence the next time. “Brian knows the deal; any time you say ‘up the ra’ or make a statement that is up-the-ra-ish… Read more »
A NEW opinion poll published in the Business Post on Sunday revealed Sinn Féin have climbed to a record high in support which gave supporters a rare chance to duke it out with Fine Gael supporters online. Sinn Féin, rewarded in the opinion poll for their excellent work in being lucky enough to be in… Read more »
DIGGING in with Convention Centre staff while armed with a mop and a bucket, Ceann Comhairle Seán Ó Fearghaíl is surveying the inexcusable damage caused by the government after it spent the entirety of last night’s motion of no confidence debate in Leo Varadkar flinging its arse effluent at Sinn Féin. “Oh for feck sake,… Read more »
ROLLING his eyes towards the heavens yet again Taoiseach Micheál Martin has ordered government officials to restrain Tánaiste Leo Varadkar so he can swap out his face mask for a muzzle, WWN understands. “If you’re not undermining me and the government by leaking every-fucking-thing to the press you’re tweeting about how middle class white guys… Read more »
AS THE CITY of Derry marked the funeral of John Hume yesterday and amidst the outpouring of emotion and gratitude felt by millions towards the Nobel laureate, both Sinn Féin and the DUP pledged unconvincingly to embody Hume’s legacy and truly capitalise on the anti-sectarian future he made possible. Achievements unmatched by any living Irish… Read more »