DESPITE the fact it hasn’t even been 24 hours since Eintracht Frankfurt beat Rangers in a penalty shootout to clinch the Europa League, the environs of Celtic Park now boast an imposing statue dedicated to the German club. “I commissioned the statue as soon as I saw Aaron Ramsey was taking a penalty,” confirmed a… Read more »
HEROES on a daredevil mission which involved being shot at by Russian soldiers have secured exclusivity on all ‘put your money away’ acts of free pints in Irish pubs from here until the end of time, reports have confirmed. With widespread shelling and an encircling of the eastern Ukrainian city Sumy by Russian forces any… Read more »
TUNING IN later to watch the hotly anticipated clash between Scotland and England and wondering how you can outwardly show your support for the Scots? WWN has a comprehensive guide to Scotland-a-fying yourself below. The obvious: wear a kilt, deep fry a can of Irn Bru and communicate only using Braveheart quotes. Watch the ‘why… Read more »
“WE always knew it was going to boil down to this” admitted Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, signing an agreement that will see the future of Scotland decided in what is being described as ‘the Old Firm Derby to end them all’. As per the arrangement, bitter rivals Glasgow Celtic and Glasgow Rangers will once… Read more »
THE revelation that Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon may have given an ‘inaccurate account’ of her meeting with her predecessor Alex Salmond, which, if proven, will be the first known instance of a politician bending the truth in the history of world politics. The revelations came to light after a tireless campaign by the Tory… Read more »
FOLLOWING Boris Johnson’s reiteration in the wake of the UK general election results that he will not grant permission for a second Scottish independence referendum, Scotland was last seen frantically sawing and hacking away at the 96 mile stretch of the Anglo-Scottish border. Hardy Scottish men and women have been working around the clock ever… Read more »
FRESH from being embarrassed by protesters as he met with Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon in Scotland, British PM Boris Johnson corrected the official record of events to better reflect the true nature of the encounter. “To the untrained ear, these rabid, vowel-stretching Scottish neanderthals sounded at first like they were voicing their disapproval for… Read more »
EMERGENCY actions are being put into place to ensure the safety of Scotland and Northern Ireland by adopting them into the EU following the increasingly erratic and potentially dangerous actions by members of their Great British family. Whereas Wales and England, the older siblings of Scotland And Northern Ireland, both voted to leave the EU… Read more »
FOOTPRINT evidence on Scotland’s Isle of Skye confirming that dinosaurs roamed there some 170 million years ago has revealed the reptiles would have been very hard to understand, given their thick Scottish accents. “Rapid fire phrases delivered with a mix of smiling geniality and a maddened glare that hinted they intended to do you harm, these dinosaurs… Read more »