AS flumes of smoke and steam fissures erupted in the basement of RTÉ, sending nuts and bolts flying in all directions, the overworked engineer assigned to RTÉ player maintenance warned “she can’t nae take anymore” ahead of tomorrow night’s Late Late Toy Show extravaganza. “Two people in Longford are watching Nationwide online, any more pressure… Read more »
2020 continues to bring fresh challenges to us all; the latest being the scourge of zombie coronavirus mink herds, leading experts to issue a checklist to ensure you and your family’s safety in this new twist of the 2020 knife. The guidelines come following a botched mass-cull of the animals in Denmark, aimed at curbing… Read more »
AN IRATE Irish man, returning to his home after several years living in Australia was said to be shocked and angered to discover Virgin Media’s flagship morning show Ireland AM has been claiming squatters rights and filming their show in his home. Simon McCormack (41) tried to gain entry into his home, which he believed… Read more »
WOULD you like to buy the exact same product you just bought ten minutes ago online that your internet cache just told us you were looking for? Great! Here’s an entire webpage dedicated to reselling you that same product for exactly the same price! Sure, you literally just purchased the item from Amazon and it… Read more »
AMERICA’S worst fears about a Biden administration have been confirmed after the president elect confirmed long dead socialist Cuban leader Fidel Castro as his Treasury Secretary pick. “Oh boy, this is a dream come true, honestly capitalism is like, hand on heart, one of my top 5 least favourite ‘isms’ there is, I won’t let… Read more »
ACTIVITY on certain lads’ WhatsApp group chats have grown eerily quiet in the last week but it is believed to be completely unconnected to reports that the gardaí are investigating the circulation of images of Irish women and underage girls. Some groups have recorded as much as a 100% drop in activity, although this development… Read more »
A MISSING Westmeath man has been found alive but disorientated in the disabled toilets of a Temple Bar pub, having gone on ‘an unmerciful session’ the week before St. Patrick’s Day and fallen into a 9-month drink coma. “He’s confused, he’s hungover, and he says his arse is very cold” said a member of the… Read more »
THE ongoing row surrounding an RTÉ event where social distancing guidelines were breached has birthed a second, even more aggravating row after a team of guards sent to sort out the matter were themselves pictured posing for snaps with their favourite radio and TV presenters. “Big fan” said one maskless guard, draping his arm around… Read more »
LAST DITCH negotiations over attempts to prevent a two-way UK-Ireland meat product ban and warnings to Irish SMEs to prepare for impact have all the hallmarks of that moment in a thriller when a bomb disposal expert is tasked with diffusing a bomb as the seconds tick down toward zero. Leaving the ‘hands in pockets,… Read more »
GENEROUS British PM Boris Johnson will stop at nothing in his attempt to deflect attention away from an inquiry which concluded his Home Secretary, Priti Patel, bullied civil servants, subjecting them to volleys of abuse and is basically Nelson Muntz on steroids. “We can all have Christmas together in Wembley stadium, Ed Sheeran will play,… Read more »