Tag: satire

Varadkar To Spend Day Trying To Stop Pearse Doherty’s Heart With His Mind

OCCASIONAL-Taoiseach Leo Varadkar will today attempt to master the ability to telepathically kill someone from across the room, while a motion of no-confidence in him is called by opposition members in the wake of the Village Magazine scandal. “I’ll give confidential documents to whoever I fucking like” seethed Varadkar, mustering as much concentration as he… Read more »

Covid-19 Vaccine Vending Machines To Be Installed In All Irish Pubs

THE QUICK-ACTING Vintners Association has announced the introduction of over 5,000 vending machines nationwide which will be installed in every pub and will contain the newly founded Covid-19 vaccine, WWN has learned. Costing €20 a syringe, customers can self-inject themselves upon entry to their local bar without having to worry about signing their names or… Read more »

RTÉ Election Pundit Calls For Dr Fauci To Be Beheaded

STEVE BANNON, most recently heard offering election punditry on RTÉ’s Drivetime radio programme, has found himself at the focus of US media after he encouraged the beheading of US Coronavirus taskforce member Dr Anthony Fauci and FBI director Christopher Wray. It is not yet known if US police have been in touch with the Irish… Read more »

READ: The Latest Shocking Leaked Varadkar Texts

WWN has obtained the next truly shocking tranche of texts which lay bare the craven nature of Irish politics, which many presumed had gone for good. In these leaked texts messages below, obtained with the help of Village Magazine, it is clearly shown that Tánaiste Leo Varadkar, in his exchanges with former NAGP member Maitiú… Read more »

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas Takes Up New Role At NPHET

BOLSTERING their capacity to issue recommendations and advice, the CMO confirmed in a press conference that the Grinch should suffice. Citing the Who-ville resident’s past experience with Christmas cancelling measures, NPHET have given mean Mr. Grinch oversight in all aspects of future recommendations that would involve tempering expectations that Christmas 2020 will be in anyway… Read more »