THE RUSSIAN leader of an influential religious sect who claims to be Jesus Christ has been arrested and is to be sentenced to death by crucifixion for this Friday, WWN can report. Sergei Torop, known to his disciples as ‘Vissarion’, was arrested in a garden in Siberia late last night following a large supper with… Read more »
IN our latest entry of the WWN Voices series, we give a platform to people we really shouldn’t. This week is the turn of Emma Reagan, who is seriously horny for Jesus and isn’t going to keep quiet about it any longer. I will not be silenced any longer, and frankly I’m fucking sick of… Read more »
SINCE pictorial depictions of Christ Our Saviour began, there has been consistent, recurring physical features which have echoed down the centuries, defining his image in the mind of every worshipper however, this is all set to change thanks to some new research carried out by religious scholars. Recently unearthed first hand accounts of Jesus reveal… Read more »
FOLLOWING a two thousand year hiatus, Jesus Henry Christ talks to WWN about life, his latest book, and a range of bad habits he’s picked up over the years which he claims are the direct consequence of being born in a barn. We caught up with the only son of God in a city centre… Read more »
IN A STATEMENT issued today from both the Vatican and the Kingdom of Heaven, Jesus of Nazareth has condemned a proposal by the Irish government to hold a referendum on a blasphemy law which dates back to the 1937 Constitution. The 3 page statement called on the nation of Ireland to “think twice” before proceeding… Read more »
THE CATHOLIC community has come out in force today to question one local man’s commitment to lent as it draws to a close after it was revealed he only lasted the three days off the fags. Waterford native Ciaran Cullihan (29) sought to replicate the sacrifice of Jesus Christ’s journey into the desert for 40… Read more »
THE religious community has been shocked by the news that Mary, mother to Jesus Christ, is to take God to court over unpaid child maintenance payments dating back thousands of years. Described as an ‘absentee father’ in court documents seen by WWN, the deity could be in line to pay child support costs running into… Read more »
FED up with this ‘one big present’ nonsense, Our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ has announced that he would like two separate presents for his birthday and Christmas this year, adding that it’s ‘not his fault’ that they both fall on the same day. Like the vast majority of people whose birthday’s fall in December,… Read more »
JESUS CHRIST has postponed his second coming today after hearing news of a possible Apple I-Phone 6 launch in the coming weeks. The only son of God said he will defer his decision to return to the earth until further notice and wishes Apple all the best with their launch. “It was just bad timing… Read more »
Dara Crowley, a 7-year-old Carlow native, has finally learned the true meaning of Easter after receiving his 10th Easter egg. “So basically Jesus became a zombie or something and I get a shitload of chocolate?” Dara openly queried as his Granny Joanne arrived with a crunchie Easter egg. Dara was unclear on the message behind… Read more »