EXPERTS are advising Irish people hoping to be vaccinated anytime soon to watch the 1997 political thriller ‘The Devil’s Own’ starring Brad Pitt, in order to help perfect a Northern Irish accent convincing enough to trick NHS staff into giving you a jab in Belfast, WWN can report. With the UK vaccination program currently leagues… Read more »
GERMANY has become the latest country in the world to implement newly tightened lockdown restrictions as Europe prepares itself for the onset of the third wave of Covid-19, or possibly the fourth wave, depending on who you listen to. “You don’t count the first lockdown, just like you don’t say a newborn baby is 1”… Read more »
DECIDING the final straw was the temporary suspension of the AstraZeneca vaccine by EU nations which experts say will actually cost lives due to the ceasing of administering the jabs, local man Denis Byrne doesn’t want to ‘hear another fucking word’ ongoing vaccine hoopla, instructing everyone and anyone to text him when he’s booked in… Read more »
CONCERNS surrounding the effectiveness of the Covid-19 vaccine or the possible side effects are not front-of-mind for most Irish people according to a new survey, with almost 100% of people polled admitting that they’d gladly drink it out of a smelly welly if given the chance. Although the effectiveness of vaccines such as the AstraZeneca… Read more »
FRIENDS and acquaintances of Dublin man Jeremy Hayes have today staged an intervention for the jogging enthusiast over his continued tirade of absolute shite talk while running, calling on him to just take the time to casually chat now and again and enjoy the moment. Hellbent on proving how fit he is by continually waffling,… Read more »
WITH more and more evidence emerging regarding the effectiveness of mixing Coronavirus vaccines, the Health Service Executive of Ireland has called on out-of-work bar staff to come forward to help the department mix different variations at their labs. “We figured we could kill two birds with the one stone and try and give back to… Read more »
TÁNAISTE Leo Varadkar stated yesterday the government is hoping to adopt a ‘Living With Covid’ plan mark II after the runaway success of the first iteration. WWN was afforded access to the Living With Covid brains trust and their morning pow wow, debrief, 360-degree-fully-orbital idea orgy. As we entered their meeting we noticed a sign… Read more »
THE HSE has assured the country that all over-70s will have received their first dose of vaccinations by mid-April, a mere two to three weeks after the original estimated date of the ‘end of March’ and a probably two to three months before the actual completion date, WWN can report. “No, we can’t give you… Read more »
WHILE there has been increasingly encouraging news on vaccine supplies in the last week, an impatience among the Irish public has prompted the government to further bolster vaccine supplies with a tried and tested reliable name in the field of Irish medicine solutions. Dubbed an Irish solution to an Irish problem, vaccine administrators up and… Read more »
“AS you can see, in our supposedly over-run hospitals, there are hardly any people in the waiting room” said Waterford dose Peter McGlynn on his live Facebook feed from inside University Hospital Waterford this afternoon, because it was either this or sit at home staring at the walls again. “Let’s just ask this woman here… Read more »