FEARS are increasing that there will be a need for a second, separate inquiry into authorities’ failure to prevent Covid-19 clusters in nursing homes when it almost inevitably occurs a second time, even though the inquiry into how it happened the first time has yet to start. “Feck sake, not another possibly avoidable batch of… Read more »
THE HSE are confident that their supplies of personal protection equipment will ‘hold firm’ over the treacherous winter months ahead, after investing in a number of litter-picker-upper tools and a big box of Daz. “Walk around any town, any hedgerow, any lane; masks are more plentiful than blackberries. Some people are just throwing them away!”… Read more »
DENYING all accusations that he is being stubborn and obstinate, one local Waterford man has vowed to condemn himself to a life of strained squinting instead of getting his eyes tested, WWN can reveal. Cormac Carton (53) has in recent years felt a serious decline in his vision, finding it increasingly hard to see things… Read more »
THE GOVERNMENT’S top negotiators were cracking open the bubbly last night, after successfully talking the Coronavirus from a Level 5 total-country shutdown to a more reasonable, ‘everybody wins’ few weeks of Level 3 restrictions; an agreement sealed with a gentlemanly spit and handshake. “You just have to know how to talk to virus in a… Read more »
ELEVEN UCC students suspended for allegedly breaching Covid-19 safety guidelines at the university are being urged to use a now tried and trusted method recently utilised by Golfgate judge Mr Justice Seamus Woulfe and simply shrug their shoulders and say they weren’t aware of the rules. The students could be aided by the fact such… Read more »
ACCORDING to those sick to death of being told they could personally help reduce the chance of someone becoming sick with Covid-19 to the point of death, ‘here comes Mr Rule Man with another buzz kill briefing’. With the previous week bringing a total in excess of 2,000 Covid-19 cases in Ireland, CMO Dr Ronan… Read more »
PRESENTING herself at her local Covid-19 testing centre this morning, one local woman came to a depressing realisation. With a nasal and throat swab bringing forth gagging and evoking vivid muscle memory, a sexually reawakened 26-year-old Ciara Cloonan suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that this brief exchange with a Covid test swab was… Read more »
THE PUBLIC, along with experts continue to query the best method for minimising the spread of Covid-19 while also minimising the damage to economic health and societal wellbeing. Is the Swedish mentality the way forward? New Zealand’s ‘zero Covid’ strategy? Can the low incidence of Covid-19 on the continent of Africa be replicated elsewhere? Now,… Read more »
CHRONIC consumer of all things bad, local man Patrick Murphy’s anxiety levels peaked at ten past 9 last night following yet more Covid-related news emanating from his TV screen depicting graphs of still curvy curves, forcing him into action for what is now the 196th night in a row. “I’m just nipping down to the… Read more »
THE SMALL minority of the Irish public still ignoring public safety messages and now putting the hard fought progress achieved by the majority at risk have been warned there will be a second wave of slaps handed out, WWN can reveal. “Personally, I’ve got the message. It was probably after the 1,569th daily briefing. I… Read more »