Category: WORLD NEWS

Large Pile Of Cash Announces US Presidency Bid

A LARGE stack of money has announced that it will make a run for the White House in 2016. The pile of cash, estimated to be around 1.2 billion US dollars, said yesterday at a special press conference in Washington DC that it would seek the presidency next year. “I’m running for the oval office,” the money told a packed conference… Read more »

Investigation Underway As Rapper Sexually Assaulted Onstage

A 56-year-old woman is being questioned today over an alleged assault on a rap artist on stage while performing at a global music event in Coachella. Canadian singer-songwriter Aubrey ‘Drake’ Graham was attacked by the middle-aged woman in front of a large festival audience, but no one intervened. “We are currently investigating the assault and would ask any witnesses to come… Read more »

ISIS To Skip The Part Where They Execute The Paedophiles

THE Islamic State has today announced they have decided to skip the part where they execute men for sleeping with children, due to “internal conflicts” within the majority of the organisation. ISIS spokesman Jalal al-Yussuf said the group will not be targeting paedophiles in Iraq or Syria any time soon, but will continue to tackle the inhumane… Read more »

Good Friday Downgraded To Okay Friday

THE VATICAN has announced today that the religious holiday commemorating the crucifixion of Jesus Christ called ‘Good Friday’ is to be downgraded to ‘Okay Friday’ following a vote amongst its cardinals. The holiday, which is observed during Holy Week as part of the Paschal Triduum on the Friday preceding Easter Sunday, will take on the new name next year… Read more »

America Celebrates Its National Holiday

UNDER sunny blue skies that hinted at an air of spring, thousands of Americans lined both sides of Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue this afternoon waving flags to mark the country’s national holiday, April Fools day. Led by US president Donald Trump, the colourful ticker tape parade marched slowly through the New York streets to the cheers of spectators hoping to get… Read more »

Uncle Ben Shot Dead By US Police

LOS ANGELES police have fatally shot businessman Uncle Ben this morning after a routine traffic stop went wrong, prompting dozens of people to protest at the site of the killing, according reports from the US. The 98-year-old billionaire was said to be driving an orange 2012 Lamborghini Diablo erratically before being stopped by a highway… Read more »

Media Welcomes Latest Tragedy

AFTER a rather slow news week across the board, the world’s media gathered as one this afternoon to welcome the latest news tragedy to fill our papers and screens. Editors and sub-editors raced to allocate potential story ideas for thousands of hungry journalists, who had all but lost faith in the unpredictability of the world… Read more »