PARENTS of TDs are currently fretting over how to keep their kids entertained and out of trouble during their long summer break from the Dail. The eight-week break from July to September has long been a source of headaches for families, with many having to turn to expensive summer camps to keep the ministers and… Read more »

SOURCES close to disgraced TD Ivor Callely revealed today that he will be spending the majority of his €1,000 a week pension on rolling tobacco and porn magazines for the duration of his five month stay in Mountjoy prison. Mr. Callely, who was convicted of fraud last week, has also kindly agreed to buy various… Read more »

Yesterday The Sunday Times exclusively revealed that former Taoiseach and selective amnesia sufferer Bertie Ahern had been making secret trips to Ukraine in an effort to stabilise the country and help it towards a peaceful resolution following a rise in tensions. However, WWN can reveal the contents of Ahern’s salient advice to sitting Ukrainian prime… Read more »

THE parents of Mick Wallace and Claire Daly have today banned the pair from seeing each other ever again, following their arrest at Shannon Airport yesterday afternoon. The TD’s, who claim they were inspecting US military aircraft as part of a protest against Shannon Airport being used as a Military Hub, were released without charge… Read more »

IT has been revealed that the delay in announcing the cabinet reshuffle, which had been due earlier in the week, was caused by Enda Kenny and Joan Burton spending time trying to perfect a cool handshake. Having settled on the “over-under”, also referred to as the “high-low” but most commonly known as the “Top Gun… Read more »

WWN can exclusively report that, in an effort to save his job as Minister for Health, James Reilly has been performing a number of arduous and demeaning tasks for the Taoiseach over the course of the last few days. Eyewitness reports place Reilly in Leinster House this morning crouched down on his knees diligently washing… Read more »

JOAN Burton’s first day as Labour Leader has led to scenes of much hilarity among her coalition partners, after the recently elected Tanaiste was duped into going to the shops for a ‘Long Stand’ and a ‘Big Weight’. Eager to get working on a mandate, which includes arguing for a low pay commission to deal… Read more »

Following Ruairí Quinn’s announcement that he is to retire to make way for the new generation, WWN looks back at his career and his achievements in office, chief among those of course was his supposed invention of the Euro. 1. Vodka and Coke- Minister Quinn was the first person to sweeten the taste of vodka… Read more »

FORMER Justice Minister Alan Shatter was back in the limelight following some extraordinary scenes in the Dáil yesterday. Addressing the publication of the Guerin report, which scolded Shatter and Gardaí for not dealing with the concerns of Garda whistleblower Maurice McCabe properly, the Fine Gael TD made use of his parliamentary privilege to shock the… Read more »

THE International Monetary Fund have publicly backed Joan Burton as the next leader of the Labour party, stating she will make the perfect “yes woman” going forward. In a report on the Irish economy, the IMF expresses confidence that the Joan Burton, whom it sees as the likely new leader of the Labour Party will… Read more »