HUNDREDS of Sinn Féin volunteers have been sent into the Lily fields in a bid to shore up their pitiful harvest of paper flowers ahead of the Easter bank holiday weekend. It is believed that a tough election season combined with the over-exposure of the 1916 Rising centenary has led to the failure of large… Read more »
RECENTLY elected TDs have gone on record and admitted that when it comes to the matter of what exactly is happening right now, they aren’t really all that sure. February’s general election saw no party or coalition garner enough support to form a government, which was followed by a Dáil vote to elect a Taoiseach… Read more »
THE caretaker government is wholly reliant on the public’s ability to be distracted by other things in order for the symphysiotomy survivors redress scheme to quietly dispose of vital medical records belonging to the survivors of the medical procedure. “Jesus, whatever you do, don’t draw any bloody attention to it, then we’d have to do… Read more »
REPRESENTATIVES for the Sanders family in America have gone on record to confirm that they much prefer Bernie, the front-runner for the Democratic nomination for the office of the President of the United States, to the Colonel, who sells fried chicken in buckets. 74-year-old Bernie has been deemed a much better representative of the Sanders… Read more »
US PRESIDENT Barack Obama’s historic visit to Cuba will probably not involve visiting the Guantanamo Bay detention centre, with the president seemingly confirming it by stating “that would just be depressing”, after being pressed by reporters. More questions followed to why exactly the president wouldn’t want to visit the site of significant torture and human… Read more »
KERRY TD Michael Healy Rae is said to be recovering well in hospital after a failed assassination attempt on his life, carried out by a cow gardaí believe was radicalised by Dublin based ‘urban extremists’. The cow, named locally as New Road Healy Rae, was said to be distressed by how its owner and his… Read more »
SINN Fein leader Gerry Adams is to chance his arm getting into the White House again after failing to gain entry to a dinner hosted by Barack Obama last night. Adams spent 90 minutes yesterday attempting to get into the event along with Deputy Leader Mary Lou McDonald and Martin McGuinness, the north’s deputy first… Read more »
REPUBLICAN presidential nominee frontrunner Donald Trump has admitted that he wakes up every morning soaked in sweat at the thoughts of the American public finally calling him on his negative points, any one of which could see his bid for the White House come tumbling down. Instead, Trump continues to rack up support in key… Read more »
“IF you’re going to be a bear, be a grizzly,” sighed Enda Kenny last night, downing shot after shot in a Washington DC branch of Hooters during what may be his last St. Patrick’s trip to the US as Taoiseach. The caretaker Taoiseach, who failed to drum up enough support to retain his leadership following… Read more »
POLITICAL experts have confirmed what most of the Nation has suspected for a long time, the running of the country is to become infinitely more efficient now that there is no government in place. “While we technically have a caretaker government in place, their role is largely reduced and it is left to many senior… Read more »