IN what may be the clearest indication yet that the no side in Ireland’s referendum debate are becoming truly desperate, they have chosen to launch their secret weapon which bears the cryptic codename ‘Operation John Waters’. While the yes side have been confused by the move with some believing it to be an idiotic act… Read more »
A DUBLIN based fitness fanatic has praised emergency services who rushed to his aid on O’Connell Street yesterday after he collapsed with a suspected case of blood loss to the brain caused by wearing a t-shirt which was several sizes too small for him. Cathal Hennessy, originally from the Midlands but studying in UCD, is… Read more »
EXPERTS in common sense have confirmed that a Prophet Muhammad Cartoon drawing contest organised by right wing conservatives in America went about as well as expected. Police in Garland, Texas shot dead two would-be attackers yards away from an event which dangled a $10,000 prize for the best drawing of the Prophet Muhammad. “A fucking… Read more »
BRITISH comedian Russell Brand requested Scotland Yard not to investigate his mother’s abduction today, stating that he was just glad to have her back after being taken from her home by unknown captors last year. In a bizarre turn of events, Mr. Brand only revealed today that Barbara Elizabeth had been held hostage for eleven… Read more »
HOMELESSNESS has been brought to an end following the anonymous gifting of a statue of a homeless statue. Jesus, the only son of God, was famously not homeless, but it is thought the presence of this statue nearby Dublin’s Christchurch has single-handedly brought about the end of homelessness. “Ah now, I have to say, fair… Read more »
FOLLOWING legal proceedings undertaken by voiceless billionaire Denis O’Brien against both RTÉ and the Sunday Business Post comes news that the Digicel kingpin is set to sue absolutely everyone. “We’re particularly targeting people who have had negative thoughts about Denis in their head but have never uttered them in a public forum,” O’Brien chief counsel… Read more »
FIGHT fans from all across Waterford city centre are today eagerly awaiting Saturday night’s epic confrontation between random strangers outside Abra in the town centre. The fight, which will settle the seconds-old dispute between the two yet to be determined parties, is expected to begin at any time between dusk and dawn, and be witnessed… Read more »
COLLEGE student Kevin Matthews was left feeling disappointed today after purchasing a €3.99 ‘filled’ wrap, only to find it was mostly made of rolled up tortilla bread. “Filled me fuckin’ hole boi!” exclaimed Matthews upon biting into his mostly floury based lunch. “Robbin’ bastards! I can’t believe I spent four quid on this shit”. The… Read more »
DUBLIN man Simon Scully stood awkwardly in his kitchen for the last 15 minutes following the arrival of a plumber, WWN can exclusively reveal. The IT specialist had taken the morning off in order to let plumber Anto Daly in the house to work on a leak in the pipes attached to the kitchen sink. After… Read more »
A WEEKLY family dinner held at the O’Connell family house in the Waterford town of Dungarvan has finally arrived at the juncture in which family matriarch Emelda O’Connell’s racist asides go completely unchallenged. After enjoying a chicken roast cooked by her daughter-in-law Emma, Emelda felt the time in between collecting plates and starting on dessert… Read more »
