LEGAL proceedings have been brought against Earth’s only natural satellite, the moon, which is at the centre of accusations of copyright infringement made by the red planet, Mars. “Our clients believe the moon intentionally turned various shades of colours most closely associated with their brand early this morning, including red, orange and orangey-red in an… Read more »
THE obligatory once-in-a-lifetime trip to Mecca, the Saudi Arabian birthplace of Muhammed and holiest city in the Islamic faith, has failed to impress one Muslim lad who gave the trip only two stars on holiday review website TripAdvisor. Citing poor accommodation, overpriced restaurants and overcrowding as the main issues he had with his trip, Aamir… Read more »
MINISTER for the environment Alan Kelly has today called on the homeless community to try and stay clear of Leinster House if they feel they’re about to die. Speaking to WWN this morning, Mr Kelly urged people who are on the verge of passing over to think about their government and the consequences of their location, as… Read more »
SWISS authorities are believed to be celebrating this evening after finally getting their man, outgoing FIFA president Sepp Blatter after the success of an unprecedented sting operation. Jupp Hitz, an experienced member of the Zurich police force is believed to have disguised himself as a massive pile of cash, carefully placing himself in the foyer… Read more »
MINISTER of State for European Affairs Dara Murphy has rejected claims he abused his position after gardaí drove him from Cork to Dublin Airport to catch a flight to Brussels, stating: “There was no water meter works at the time”. Murphy sought help after his car broke down on the side of a motorway outside… Read more »
A GALWAY grandfather has reminded his extended family that he is not gone, but merely forgotten following three straight months of fuck all visitors. “Oh Jesus, I’m very much alive, despite my little pricks of sons seeming to forget it,” Fitzsimons confirmed. While families up and down the country lament sorrowfully at the loss of… Read more »
DUBLIN bus commuters found themselves in the enviable position of being offered an exclusive music performance coming out of the earphones of fellow commuter and apparent dickhead, 18-year-old Dean Hanley. Talking to the back of the top deck on the 15b bus, Hanley immediately began a stirring performance by sticking a dance song on his… Read more »
A COUPLE in the middle of divorce proceedings have cited an inability to properly stick to a schedule when watching TV shows as the main reason for splitting up, according to documents leaked to the press today. Dublin couple Marion and Arthur McGuire stated that their 10-year marriage dissolved when Arthur was found to have… Read more »
A CARLOW man has conceded that his favourite cereal bowl is now only fit for the bin, after making the crucial error of not rinsing it immediately after eating his Weetabix this morning. Kevin McCarroll, 27, left his bowl unattended for as little as ten minutes this morning, after suffering from a sudden need to… Read more »
THERE were emotional scenes in Los Angeles yesterday as cultural deity Kim Kardashian took time out of her day to issue a blessing to a sick young boy who she spotted on the side of the road. Kardashian, the embodiment of everything humanity worships, spotted 8-year-old Paul Bennett from the window of her SUV as… Read more »
