A FORMER member of the IRA has come forward and confirmed that Martin McGuinness did not kill anyone while involved with the paramilitary organisation in the early 70s, adding that McGuinness was such a bad shot that he “couldn’t hit the ground if it wasn’t for gravity”. During a TV interview due to be broadcast… Read more »
A CONFUSED birth registrar at the Dublin office of the Civil Registration Service is attempting to make entirely sure new parents, David and Sarah O’Brien want to call their daughter ‘Crystal’. “They’re just saying it with such a straight face, that I was looking at for the hidden cameras, because I was thinking this has… Read more »
PRAYERS were being said last night for a tragic wife-of-one who was found unresponsive in her home yesterday, after an apparent overdose of E! Sheila Hanratty, from Balbriggan was rushed to Drogheda hospital after her husband Ian returned from work to find her slumped in an armchair. Ian promptly rang the emergency services, as his… Read more »
CALM and understated celebrations followed Ireland’s routine victory against a weak German side, which contained just 9 World Cup winners and 4 Champions League winners. The Irish football team, familiar to all football fans as the undisputed, greatest football team in the world, were happy with the easy game against the inferior opposition, but took… Read more »
RTÉ have confirmed the cancellation of popular entertainment show ‘Ireland’s Fittest Family’ due to a dearth of fit and healthy families on the island of Ireland. “First two episodes went over grand, but with each new attempt to source a family that could touch their toes without risking a devastating heart attack we came up… Read more »
INTERNET users across the world have reacted with disgust to the leaking of nude pictures of Justin Bieber, stating that they already see enough of the Canadian pop-star as it is. Paparazzi shots of Bieber strolling nude on the rooftop terrace of a private villa emerged online last night, taken while the singer holidayed in… Read more »
VETERAN photo-journalist Derek Rooney has admitted that all this bending down lately to capture women’s crotches as they exit limousines and taxis is starting to catch up with him, and is not sure how much more his old knees and back can take. The Daily Mail photographer, who has visited over 180 countries and worked in some of the… Read more »
WORKERS in Dublin marketing firm Dream Big have expressed their annoyance at the constant presence of one coworker in the office kitchen, and his hogging of the microwave. While some employees have speculated Dermot Hogan’s ceaseless use of the microwave was purely down to skiving off work, eye witnesses have countered those claims, revealing that… Read more »
MANY fans worst feared have just been confirmed as Ireland captain and record goal scorer Robbie Keane has been ruled of out tonight’s crunch tie against world champions Germany through injury. Keane had been assessing the pitch conditions at the Aviva stadium alongside Ireland manager Martin O’Neill when the injury is believed to have occurred…. Read more »
WITH a General Election looming in the distance, members of all parties have advised councillors at a local level to have a quick check to see if anyone ‘needs a road fixed or something’. Local councillors were told that projects such as pothole filling, hedge trimming, playground refurbishment and speed bump construction were all not… Read more »
