THE parents of Mick Wallace and Claire Daly have today banned the pair from seeing each other ever again, following their arrest at Shannon Airport yesterday afternoon. The TD’s, who claim they were inspecting US military aircraft as part of a protest against Shannon Airport being used as a Military Hub, were released without charge… Read more »
Siblings Conor (18), Mary (19) and Cillian (14) from Navan are still coming to terms with the contents of a statement issued by their parents, Martin and Nuala Filan at the dinner table yesterday evening. A specially convened press conference saw the parents of four children definitively state that they would now be allowing their… Read more »
SKY News reporter Colin Brazier has today apologised for rummaging in the luggage of one of the doomed passengers of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17, explaining that he had been asked by Sky News anchor Kay Burley to “see if he could get her a bottle of Chanel No.5”. Brazier had been at the site of the… Read more »
THE entire nation is said to be in shock following the revelation that today’s humid weather is ‘wicked close’. Many people were coming to terms with the fact that ’tis wicked close’, having been informed of the actuality by a variety of people, including the postman, the woman ahead of you in the queue, the… Read more »
THERE have been renewed calls to enforce an outright ban on all Garth Brooks Tribute acts this week after a fifth performer was beaten to death in a county Carlow pub last night. So far there have been five men killed angry mobs in the last four weeks, forcing the government to pass a a… Read more »
WWN has today received troubling reports from freaking out civilians, claiming that there are swarms of fuckin flying ants everywhere. The government has responded by setting the fuckin flying ant alert to red, and have recommended that people in affected areas remain calm while totally losing their shit. The panic started yesterday when posts began to appear… Read more »
Following allegations of biting made by the Meath team against a Dublin player, FC Barcelona, one of the world’s premier soccer teams, has expressed an interest in the player at the centre of the storm, Eoghan O’Gara. Barcelona look set to continue a carefully considered approach of buying players who show a desire to bite… Read more »
It was Man’s greatest achievement but 45 years on but many people have been pointing out where the astronauts of the Apollo 11 mission went tragically wrong, costing the human race one of top 5,000 selfies of all time. After countless minutes of research, it became apparent Neil Armstrong, wrongly lauded as some sort of… Read more »
WEATHER forecasters are giving a ‘sticky scrotum warning’ for the remainder of this week, with temperatures set to reach into the high 20’s, it has been revealed. Clammy, moist patches will appear around many male crotches later today, and are expected to last right through to the end of the week. Met Eireann have advised… Read more »
A MINOR international incident has been averted following fresh revelations which has allowed newly crowned Open champion Rory McIlroy keep his crown and that coveted claret jug. McIlroy, 25, was widely described as ‘worse than Hitler’ by the internet following his carefully calculated decision not to award a young fan with an autograph, was said… Read more »
