Girlfriend On Verge Of Hyperventilating To Death As She Breathlessly Explains Pippa O’Connor Drama

CONCERNED LOCAL MAN Ryan Cleggan has not spoken in the 43 minutes which have followed his girlfriend of 3 years Emma Kinsella bursting in the door breathlessly announcing ‘oh my God, major, major drama alert’, WWN understands.

Initially thinking Kinsella was experiencing a panic attack, Cleggan soon came to understand from snatches of dialogue he caught that this was in fact just one of those gossip-geddons that the 29-year-old latches onto occasionally.

“I only caught ‘Pippa’, ‘step’, ‘can you believe it’,” Cleggan told WWN as he ordered several oxygen tanks for his girlfriend who he expected to come up for breath some time in the next 3 hours.

Impressively, Kinsella was able to multiple-task her relaying of the drama to her boyfriend by simultaneously listening to voice notes from the girls WhatsApp and recording responses which ranged from ‘crisis PR o’clock’ to ‘stop, I know, raaaaaaaging’.

“I’ve actually a strain in my neck from nodding along politely like I know what the fuck she’s talking about,” added Cleggan, who never unloads in a similar fashion with boring sport-related drama.

Elsewhere, comment sections have been filled with people volunteering their opinions.

“Pippa stole a cheese string out of my lunch box during little break in Miss Moore’s junior infants class, I’ve been saying it since 1991, she was always a piece of work,” one understated, hinged comment read.