Man On Legal Aid Delighted His Trial Far Enough Away To Take The MetroLink There

A DUBLIN man who was charged with possession of enough cannabis to make three hand-rolled cigarettes has said he looks forward to the future court date when he’ll be able to jump on the Metro ‘straight into town’.

Granted free legal aid for his 27th time in front of a judge for misdemeanour crimes, Pierce Kavanagh’s solicitor explained it could be years before he’s up in court due to an ongoing pay dispute with the Justice Department over representing people who can’t afford court.

“I’m used to waiting years anyway, but me mam says to treat time like dog years and it could be like decades away the way things are going and I just couldn’t help daydreaming about it.”

Kavanagh’s eyes glazed over as he predicted the future journey with all the aspirations of a naive child.

“I’ll get the metro into town free on me dole card, it’ll only take 3 milliseconds as it will be super electricity magnet driven,” said Kavanagh, who may or may not have had a toke before our interview began.

The current-day Nostradamus added: “They’ll even have trains going to Donegal and a water line from Shannon to Dublin for all the data centres. The children’s hospital will just have opened and… oh… wait, there’ll be 50,000 people homeless… ah… look, I suppose we’ll still have to sacrifice a few poor crators. That’s progress though, isn’t it?!”

Meanwhile the Minister for Justice has refused to back down on pay, stating there’s no room for people in the prisons anyway, and confident the backlog will resolve itself when criminals simply die of old age.