“Heaven Forbid Your Mother Let’s Her Hair Down” Defends Local Mother To Kids Morning After Glassing Bouncer

THE ADULT CHILDREN of Patricia Galligan are this morning reiterating to their mother that her behaviour last night at a family function cannot be repeated and was truly disturbing, something Patricia (58) has described as a bit of harmless hair-letting-down.

“Give over, and pass your mother some Pnanadol, I’ve a head on me like that bouncer fella you keep harping on about, can a woman of my age not enjoy herself? Is it really so ‘uncool’ and ‘cringe’ for your mother to have a few glasses of vino and let loose?” reasoned Patricia as Jack (20) and Ellen (17) scolded her for glassing a bouncer as she was turfed out of a pub which was the venue for Uncle Seán’s 60th.

“Oh but lady muck here is allowed to have her friends up in her room blaring her music til all hours and I can’t say boo to a ghost, but if your mother tries to enjoy herself it’s all ’emergency family meeting’ this and that, would you pair stop,” added Patricia.

The mother-of-two then monologued at length of how she hadn’t realised she had raised such judgemental and prudish children who think their mother just exists to make them dinner, hand them money and work as their private taxi service.

“Mam, they paramedics said he could lose his eye, you called him a ‘baldy thundercunt of a man’,” explained Jack, who was fobbed off by a shake of the head by Patricia.

“It took eight of us to get you off his back,” a teary-eyed Ellen relayed.

“You know they say kids are drinking less these days and are all about the gym and yoga, but Christ almighty I didn’t realise it was this bad, you’re such wet wipes,” concluded Patricia, crushing the Panadol and snorting it.