Ride For Ireland: Campaign To Overtake Scotland’s Population Numbers Sees Councils Lay On Mass Orgies

WITH THE CSO confirming Ireland’s population has reached over 5.526 million people, many people are setting their sights on eclipsing Scotland’s 5.550 million, allowing Ireland to move further up in the world rankings, and local authorities are doing their bit to make it happen.

“Lube, sexy music like Chris De Burgh’s Lady In Red, we’ve thought of everything. Now it’s over to you, the good horny people of Ireland to ride your way helping us over take those pretend gingers in Scotland,” confirmed one individual in charge of event planning in a local council.

“The green in town has been declared a designated orgy zone between 11pm and 3am this weekend, let’s get riding folks”.

The councils’ efforts are being embraced by many people and not just traditional creeps and dogging enthusiasts.

“We’re shite at soccer, we’ll never get past the quarter finals in the rugby, so why not put our competitiveness behind riding our way up the global population rankings? There’s nothing more arousing than national pride,” pondered one local resident.

Elsewhere, a 12% decline in net migration year-on-year to Ireland has left some people wandering whether or not to praise such numbers.

“I guess I’ll just wait until the US based online bots that populate my local Irish Facebook group to let me know what I think about all this and if it’s something to celebrate or decry as not far enough,” one local man confirmed.