Harry & Meghan Attempt To Reach UK On Small Boat

RUMOURED to be a choice specifically designed to enrage the entire UK media landscape and provide them with months of ragebait content, Harry and Meghan have announced their intention to return to the UK via a small boat craft.

Using the same text alert system used to warn residents in Britain of a risk of wildfires, every citizen woke up this morning with an alert on their phone alerting them to the fact Prince Harry and his wife, along with their children, will relocate to Britain.

“It’s one thing for an American to come over here, I don’t mind her but this other guy? I’ve heard his family are made up of bits of Russian, Greek, German and Danish, who knows what damage that mix will do to our 100% pure white English heritage,” confirmed one confirmed Briton.

“What I want to know is where she got that ‘h’ from, it’s not normal, who’d she steal it from. My grandad didn’t die fighting the Nazis for an American to spell Megan all weird,” added another concerned citizen, concernedly.

The reaction has been largely measured with Reform’s Nigel Farage and Restore Britain’s Rupert Lowe finding rare common ground on a cliff side in Land’s End Cornwall where they were dousing their bodies in petrol and threatening to set themselves on fire if Harry’s boat made landing below.

The announcement has led The Daily Mail to cancel all other news, which has caused considerable disruption for other news outlets.

“There can’t be any other news I’m afraid, look it’s a regret but at the end of the day we need to focus all our efforts on making up enough bullshit about this pair to cover 400 articles an hour. We don’t know when actual news will make a return but we asked for readers patience but above all else, their rage in the comments section,” confirmed a senior Mail Online figure.