With EU Set To Ban Alumina Exports To Russia, Should Irish TDs Come Up With New Name For Alumina?

WITH THE NEWS that a motion proposing the banning of EU alumina exports to Russia, many Irish politicians are looking deep into their lack of morals and searching for a way to make sure none of this affects Russia-owned Aughinish Alumina, which is estimated to send 83% of its alumina output to Russia.

“Ah Jesus no, are you well?” said a number of Limerick and government TDs, when asked if nationalising the refinery is the answer.

“But we’re open to exploring every sneaky, morally bankrupt way to stop this from applying to us here, like calling it Alumin-b or something sleveen like that” shared one Limerick TD, who can’t sleep at night at the thought of good, honest, Russia-supporting war effort jobs might be at risk.

“Alumina? No doesn’t sound familiar, was she the nun is St Michael’s back in the day, taught Maths? In Limerick? No I think that’s coal or iron ore or is it a child cobalt mine? What it certainly isn’t is Russia-bound alumina,” added another TD.

However, other TDs are much more calm about the potential of an EU vote.

“Ah sure they’ll just re-route it through some other ports before it lands in Russia and we’ll all get to pretend something was achieved, stickers and badges for all the EU boys for a job well done,” explained one TD.