United Ireland Broadcaster Must Adhere To Same Bullshit Narrative, Report Recommends

RESEARCHERS have recommended that if the island of Ireland is to unite, a joint state broadcaster should be established that faithfully adheres to the same bullshit narrative RTÉ and the BBC are already renowned for.

The report, carried out by academics from Ulster University and Dublin City University, concluded that a carefully guided editorial line, reinforced through strategically awarded grants and persistent lobbying, should sit at the heart of any unified broadcaster’s coverage of major political and social issues.

“If the newly established State needs to pass a referendum, for instance, we need to be able to tell citizens across the island whether they are right or wrong,” the report advised. “And if they vote wrong, we need to be able to coax them into re-voting the way we want them to.”

According to the researchers, maintaining a consistent, government-friendly narrative that never questions anyone with economic power would be essential to ensuring stability, balance and the continued avoidance of genuinely uncomfortable questions on political news programmes.

The report also noted that while the broadcaster should project an image of independence and plurality, it must ultimately chime with the general government/EU based line, regardless of the topic under discussion.

“This would provide audiences across the island with a reassuring sense of the familiar,” the report concluded, “while preserving the illusion of robust debate.”