“You Think You Have It Bad?” Office Man United Fan Cautions Venezuelan Co-Worker

“WE’VE this head-the-ball billionaire who has created this power vacuum, we haven’t a clue what’s next. It’s the uncertainty, that keeps me up, not knowing what is next. Could be the end of my home… sorry, I ranting again, you were something boring about Venezuela, was it?” resident office Man United fan Fergal Skelly said to his co-worker, Venezuelan national Luis Silva.

Still processing the damage left in the wake of Ruben Amorin’s press conference comments and subsequent sacking Skelly has been able to focus on little else, even as Silva sobs quietly besides him in the open plan office they share.

“You know you sound just like me when Mourinho got the boot, ‘thank God he’s gone’, ‘well it can’t get any worse’, that’s where you’re fucking wrong pal, it’s the hope that kills you, and the those bastard Americans,” Skelly explained, talking unprompted for 17 minutes about the Glazer family.

“All your oil you say? Just taken like that? Let me get you the world’s smallest violin as I tell you how much money the Glazers have taken out of the club,” countered Skelly, growing a little tired of his co-worker’s self-indulgent stories of false dawns, fresh starts and talk of new leaders.

Skelly then break off their conversation entirely after Silva took exception to his claim that Silva didn’t know what he was talking about when it came to harsh regimes as he didn’t have to suffer through someone who insisted on playing 3-4-3 no matter the circumstances.

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