Zelensky Sends EU ‘Split Bill’ Request On Revolut

“HONESTLY, I didn’t want to split this bill at all, especially considering there’s €200bn of Russian assets here on the table, very capable of paying for this meal but anyway,” Ukrainian leader Volodomyr Zelensky said in a Revolut message attached to a request to split a bill with EU nations.

Facilitating a €90bn loan to Ukraine so they can continue to fund defending themselves from a Russian invasion, some EU leaders felt it was ‘rude’ to issue the split bill request when some of them hadn’t even finished their dessert.

Disgruntled chatter in the restaurant about a discrepancy in terms of the percentages with some people paying far more than others was overheard by fellow diners.

“Is it a truly a split bill when someone pays for their one coffee and then leaves you to pay for the 27 lobsters?” one leader remarked.

There was then further issues with the request as Slovakia, Czechia and Hungary claimed to not have the Revolut app and did not eat anything anyway.

“Do you have the Russian version of Revolut, ‘Tinkoff’? I’ve a lot of cash in that account, just add me on that,” Viktor Orban said, causing a scene in a normally quiet upmarket Brussels restaurant.