“All Somalians Are No Good Pirates” Says Man Raiding & Stealing Venezuelan Oil Tanker

A MAN issuing blanket statements about how all Somalian immigrants to America are crime committing pirates engaged yesterday in an act of piracy when he oversaw the theft of a Venezuelan oil tanker.

“When I literally raid and steal a ship and its contents, it’s called ‘freedom’ but when imaginary evil immigrants I make up in my head eat cats and dogs, it’s an excuse to round up some brown people, and bomb a few more” explained the man, US president Donald Trump.

This is the second time in recent days the man has made headlines for committing crimes at sea, with the spotlight initially landing on him in the wake of the carrying out of a war crime which saw a boat allegedly carrying drugs repeatedly bombed in the Caribbean Sea.

“These people they don’t respect the law, they’re violent, they’ll do anything to stop you catching up to them, they’re disgusting,” the man said, seemingly speaking about himself and his inner circle.

“And obviously if Venezuela so much as flick a cigarette butt in our direction we’ll consider it an act of war and invade,” added the man, who accuses all foreigners who don’t pay him $1mn for a ‘golden visa’ of invading America.

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