“I’ll Make It My Personal Mission To See Open Sewage Pipes Routed Through The Homes Of Objectors To Infrastructure Projects”

MINISTER for Blaming Failure to Build Infrastructure Projects on Everyone But The Government Jack Chambers has confirmed a singular focus has taken hold of him when it comes to delivering for the people of Ireland.

“Object to any of these big projects in the future and we’ll route an open sewer through any non-Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael connected objectors’ sitting rooms!” warned Minister Chambers who was just three when the National Children’s Hospital first went over budget.

The minister’s frank comments come after the government launched its new plans for infrastructure projects.

“And don’t you worry, if the projects are delayed in any way, our ambitious target of blaming absolutely everyone else is limitless, we’re a ‘can do coalition'” added Chambers, ready to deliver world-leading ambitious construction projects which will be the envy of the world, such as ‘a few water pipes’.

“Make no mistake we’ll get it done! And when we don’t get it done we’ll change the definition of what ‘it’ is and what ‘get it done’ means,” shared the Fianna Fáil man.

The minister wouldn’t comment on rumours people could be compensated in the future if they dropped their objections to future projects.

“To the people who say these schemes will just benefit well-resourced nuisance objectors from affluent areas and see them receive compensation up front for projects that actually get delayed for years before being abandoned altogether, I say ‘how did you get hold of internal department warnings we’re ignoring?'” concluded Chambers.

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